I just realised I love you
by Marauder's Mirage
Summary: My take on what happens after Watershed. What happens to Caskett? What has happened to Rick? Read and review please. :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer- Castle belongs to the great Andrew Marlowe I'm just taking the characters out to play.**

**Enjoy**

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

Every girl dreams of this moment. When her Prince Charming comes up and sweeps her off her feet and takes her home. But no girl dreams she would ever say no.

My thoughts drift back to the day; how I said no, how his face crumbled, how I turned around and ran.

As my eyes start to gather tears I rub them hoping that they would stop. I would not cry.

"Why did I do that?" I ask myself. "Why did I do that to us?"

"You were scared. You were stupid." A small voice in me says.

My train of thought was cut short by Agent Stack.

"Agent Beckett how do you think we should proceed?"

Oh crap. I hadn't been paying attention at all. My thoughts had constantly been travelling back to Castle.

"Umm..."

My phone started to ring. I looked down.

Alexis.

The other agents in the room stared at me but I didn't really care. Why was Alexis calling me?

"I'm sorry, I have to take this. Family problems."

With a curt nod Agent Stack let me leave. I hadn't even registered that I had called Alexis my family until I was outside. Is that what she was to me? Shaking my head I rang her back.

She picked up on the first ring.

"Kate." I heard her sobbing on the other end. "Dad..."

"Alexis what's wrong," my heart was in my throat. "What happened?"

"Dad, he was shot..." Her voice gave way to a hiccup.

I was halfway to the elevator by then. I stopped. Had I heard right?

"What?" I whispered into the phone.  
"He was helping Ryan and Esposito when..." Alexis was positively crying now, each word was punctuated by a sob.

"Stay there Lex, I'm coming." I used the nickname I had grown to call her when I lived with Castle.

I almost ran to my car before I realised I needed to tell Stack where I was going.

Letting out an exasperated sigh I went back into the office.

"Agent Stack can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked from the door.

He looked up and then followed me outside.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to make up a massive lie when he put his hand up and said, "It's the writer isn't it."

It wasn't a question. Was I that transparent?

"Yes," my voice shook, "I need to go back home for a while."

He shook his head, "Go. I'll cover for you."

"Thank you." I said breathlessly before I turned around and ran to my car.

The drive to my apartment was a blur. When I got there I pulled out the ticket I had bought a few weeks ago. I always meant to go home. Counting my lucky stars I hurriedly threw some clothes into a bag.

All the way to the airport I prayed that he would be alright.

**Okay that was the first chapter. Hope you liked it. I'll update as soon as I can. Please review. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I have no money so I guess Castle doesn't belong to me.**

**Enjoy**

"Passengers of flight 207 to New York please make your way to Gate 3."

I quickly shook myself out of my stupor and started making my way there. I fished out my phone and called the one person I knew I could trust.

"Kate Beckett is that you? Cause don't you tell me you butt dialled me," Lanie said.

A smile found its way to my face. "No I wanted to talk to you. Can you pick me up at the airport in a hour?"

"You're coming home then?" Lanie asked. She could barely keep the excitement from her voice. She probably hadn't heard about Castle then.

"No, Castle was shot. I need to see him," I told her urgently, "Can you pick me up?"

"What happened to writer boy?"

"He was shot Lanie," the words registered in my mind only then and I stopped walking for a second.

"I'll pick you up Kate, you just get your booty over here and see writer boy." She understood me so well.

"Man Lanie, Writer man not boy," I whispered as I hung up.

The plane ride was nerve racking. Questions I willed myself not to think about popped up in my mind now that I had nothing to distract me. Even Angry Birds failed to work its magic.

What if he hates me? What if he tells me to go away? What if he dies? The last one I could barely think about. What would happen to me without Castle? How would I survive with out that man-child pulling on my pigtails? I put my head in my hands to hide my face and let the tears roll. What would I do without Castle?

Finally the plane landed in New York. Lifting my head I wiped my face and checked my mascara. Lanie would murder me if she knew I was crying.

It was late afternoon in New York now. I hurried down the halls nearly running to Lanie.

I noticed her quite easily. Walking towards her she put her arms around me hugging me tightly. She looked at my face and hugged me tighter.

"Come on Kate, I'll take you to the hospital."

She grabbed my hand and we hurried to her car. On the way there I told Lanie how Alexis called me.

"To think, Javier didn't even call me." She was pissed off at him and I knew it. Right now though I couldn't even think of what a good fight that would be; my mind was overrun by thoughts of Castle.

When we made it to the hospital memories of my own time there came back to me. Ignoring them I hurried to the reception where I asked the woman there for Castle.

"Richard Castle?" I nodded my head "He's still in surgery and who are you?"

I knew the might not let me in if I said I was only his friend.

"He's my partner." At least that was a half-truth.

"Oh!" The receptionist shot me a startled look. "Room 36."

I ran all the way there. I turned a corner and saw a flash of red hair. Alexis.

"Kate!" She ran towards me. Tears were streaming down her face. I held her tightly as she let out a sob on my shoulder.

"Javier Esposito, imma smack you," I heard Lanie before I saw her. "Why did you not tell me about this?"

Only then did I really look at the boys. Both of them were beat up and Espo has a bandage on his forehead. They looked pretty bad. I heard Lanie gasp and run towards him.

Not letting go of Alexis I motioned to Ryan.

"What happened?" I felt Alexis tense in my arms.

"We were going after a Russian gang leader. They got the drop on us but we got the guy. I'm sorry Beckett." He hung his head.

Nodding my head at him I looked around the room until I found Martha. She was sitting on the end of a sofa looking too small for the woman who always made me feel at home.

Holding on to Alexis I made my way over to there. I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked up. Standing up she put her arms around me. We didn't need words. The worry and pain we both felt for Rick was enough. I knew she had forgiven me.

Silently all three of us sat down. Alexis put her head on my shoulder and cried. Suddenly I couldn't hold it in any longer. Putting my arms around Alexis I let the gates open up and cried too.

**Second chapter done. I love the character of Lanie and I just had to write about her. Hope you liked it. I'll update as soon as I can. Please review. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- I do not own Castle yet Castle owns me. What a deal...**

**Enjoy**

I could feel the stares of the boys. They had never seen me cry before. Lanie took them to the side and explained what had happened. After about half an hour the doctor came out.

"Mrs. Castle?"

The doctor hadn't seemed to realise that none of us was actually a 'Mrs. Castle' however all three of us lifted our heads.

He looked at me and said that Castle was going to be fine. My mind blocked everything else. He was going to be alright. That was good enough for me. He was alive. Soon he would be to making hearts out of the cream in my coffee each morning. Soon I'll be back in his arms. It took me a second to remember that things had changed. All because of that one little word. No. What had I done? He probably didn't even want to talk to me anymore. I looked around and saw the relief on Martha's and Alexis's faces.

I stood up, "Well, I better get going them."

"Katherine darling where do you think your going?" Martha asked me. Her voice was shaking but her eyes were alert again.

"Back to D.C, I have work to do and Castle's alright." Plus he probably doesn't even want to look at me anymore remained unsaid.

"Katherine Beckett that is the lousiest..." Martha's words were cut off by the doctor.

"Katherine? Your name is Kate?" He asked me.

I nodded wondering what this was about.

"Mr. Castle called out for you when he woke up after surgery," he said.

"What?" My mind was racing a mile a minute. Was I hearing right? Or was my imagination playing tricks on me?

"He's awake if you want to see him."

My heart pounding I followed the doctor into the room.

There he was; my Prince Charming, my love, my reason to survive. He looked pale but to me he never looked more ruggedly handsome. His eyes lit up when he saw me and I saw his beautiful smile for a second before it fell and he looked at me with hurt I had never seen on his face before. The doctor left the room and I took a step closer.

"Kate what do you want?" His voice had a bitter edge to it that immediately threw me off guard.

Biting my lip I stepped forward.  
"Alexis called me. Do you want me to get her?" I knew the answer before I asked. I saw the way his face lit up at the mention of his daughter. I backed out of the room and motioned to Alexis.

She ran up to me but stopped short of the door. She looked at me and I saw a look of terror pass her face. Of course she'd be scared. I would be too if that was my dad lying there. I gently propelled her into the room. Apparently that was all the incentive she needed. I turned around and walked back.

"Martha probably want to see him." I thought. Of course she does. She is his mother. Mentally kicking myself I walked over to her and pulled her to her feet. I followed her to the door. She stopped.

"He still loves you dear." She put her hand on my shoulder and stepped into the room.

I watched from outside as Martha embraced her son. Alexis was curled up next to him. She seemed to be telling him a story. I smiled and tore my eyes away from them. It was a beautiful family. A family I could have been a part of but I was too stupid to let it happen.

Slowly I walked back to my team.

Correction.

What used to be my team. Lanie put her arms around me as I sank into the sofa. Soon Jenny called and Ryan went home. She was pregnant after all. I sat like that for about thirty minutes before Martha and Alexis came out of his room.

I stood up and smiled at the obvious joy on their faces. Alexis came up to me and hugged me.

"He's asleep now." She said softly. I tightened my hold on her.

Pulling back she asked my where I was staying tonight.

"At Lanie's I guess." I couldn't help but notice the look of disappointment that flitted across her face for a second.

"Oh! Okay then. Gran and I have to get home now." A smiled tugged at her lips and she grabbed her grandmother's bejewelled hand. She waved at me and left.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't need to look back to know that it was Lanie.

"Go say goodbye to writer boy, I'll wait here," she turned around and went back to Esposito and I took tentative steps back to Castle.

He was asleep so I went and sat on a chair next to his bed. He looked so vulnerable, unlike the man who just over a year ago promised to take me somewhere safe. I took his hand and softly kissed it. I looked up and saw his blue eyes gazing into my green ones.

I hastily let go of his hand but he held on.

"Don't go," he whispered softly.

"I won't," I whispered back gripping his hand again.

We sat in silence until he lightly stroked my hand.

"Kate," I looked up, "I think I deserve and explanation," he said not letting go of my hand.

I looked into his eyes. Eyes that I had made dissolve in to tears, ravage with anger and darken with lust. I knew he deserved an explanation. I just didn't know what to say.

**Third chapter done. I've been trying to load chapters since yesterday but the site hasn't been letting me. Review please. :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- I own nearly nothing, not my house, not Kate or Castle. I do however, own the plot. The plot is mine! Mine Dammit!**

**Enjoy**

I took a deep breath. I wasn't good with words. I was him who filled my world with words. Him who filled books with how much he loved me but now it was my turn. My turn to change his world with my words. I let out the breath and uttered the first thing that came to mind.

"I love you," my heart quickened. I refused the urge to run and hide. I stood my ground.

He tugged my hand almost begging me to come over. I obliged. His lips found mine and I saw fireworks just like the million times before. When I pulled back there was a smile on my face and I felt better that I had in weeks.

My phone beeped and I looked at it. It was Lanie.

"Keep talking to writer boy. I'm going home. Call me when you want a ride back."

My hand was still enclosed in Rick's hand and he gave it a squeeze. I looked up and saw his questioning look.

"Lanie," I say simply sitting back in the chair. "She still calls you writer boy."

He laughed and winced. I cringed. I didn't want to see him in pain.

He gripped my hand tighter as if I would run away. "Why? Why did you..."

He didn't finish. He didn't need to. I knew what he was talking about.

"I was scared," the words tumbled out before I could stop myself. Now that I had started I couldn't stop. "I thought we were rushing into it. I didn't want to regret it in a few years. I thought..." I burst out in tears.

Castle looked startled. Even he had barely ever seen me cry. He opened his arms and motioned me inside. I went up to him and curled into his side. His arms encircled me and I finally felt whole again.

I cried until my eyes were dry. He didn't let go of me even then and I loved him for it.

He chuckled into my hair. "That's the second time you cried today," he whispered teasingly.

I pulled back. "How do you know that?"

He hung his head but the mischievous glint was back in his eyes.

"Castle?" I said in mock sternness. I could be mad at him after all this.

He mumbled something.

"What?" I asked.

"Alexis," he replied.

I was going to place my hands on my hips and act like I was mad but laughter bubbled up at his expression and I let it go.

He stared at me and then started laughing himself then, he winced. I stopped immediately.

I sat back down next to him and sighed.

"I love you," I whispered. I knew he had heard me.

His arms encircled me once more and he whispered back. "I love you too."

We sat like that, me explaining why I wanted to go to DC, why I ran away, why I came back. We talked until my heart was raw and bleeding. He kissed my hair.

I turned until I was comfortable and then fell asleep. I felt whole again. I was back with the man who loves me, who I love with my life. It would take some time but one day I would show him how much I love him. Not yet though. There were something's I needed to sort out first.

**Chapter número four done. Sorry about the slow update but I had school bothering me. Holidays soon so expect quicker updates. Sorry about that. Review please. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I bet you know whats coming... I don't own Castle, I didn't invent it, blah blah blah. Actually, I give you credit for being smart enough to know that Castle was not invented by some pathetic teenage girl with too much time on her hands.**

**Enjoy**

When I woke up the next morning I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had been miserable at DC and I knew it. I should have stayed here. I belonged here. I felt a hand caress my hair and I smiled.

I couldn't leave this again. I needed it. I looked up and saw his eyes on me. I reached up and kissed him. Snuggling back into him I made my plan. First I needed to go to the precinct.

"You want what?" Iron Gates's reaction was not pretty at all.

"I want my job back," I said clearly, "I want to come back to New York."

She starred at me like I was crazy. "Beckett, almost every single detective in that room want that job. You get it then you don't want it?" She was mad at me.

"Sir, I thought I wanted that job but I was miserable. I had to give up so much for it and its not worth it."

"You mean you had to give up Mr. Castle," she looked at me pointedly.

There was no point in lying. "Yes I had to give him up for the job and I was plain miserable. I won't do it again."

Her face softened. "Fine Detective, I'll give you the job back. Be thankful you weren't gone for more than a month."

"Thank you Sir," I was overjoyed. I could come back to New York again.

I made my way back to the hospital.

As I neared his room I heard a familiar voice. Alexis. I crept into the room. I had amazing news for Castle.

"Kate!" Alexis jumped up and ran at me nearly knocking me over.

I looked over her red hair at Castle.

"I told her," he mouthed. He looked so happy.

Giving Alexis one last squeeze I headed over to Castle and placed a kiss on his lips.

"Eww! Daaaad! PDA!"

Alexis was at the foot of the bed covering her eyes. I laughed at her comical expression.

"What? I didn't want to see that." She stuck her tongue out at me, "Call me when you finish eating each others faces off." She turned and walked out of the room.

I dropped into the chair by his bed and took his hand. "I have good news and bad new," I said solemnly.

He gulped. "Good news first."

"I quit." I waited for him to grasp that information.

"What?" He looked stunned, disbelieving almost and I didn't blame him.

"While I was out today I got my old job back, then I called Agent Stack and told him I wanted to quit."

He starred at me for a long time then squeezed my hand. "Bad news now." He looked so scared.

I stood up and sat down next to him on the bed. "The bad news is..." I leaned in close to his ear, "you're going to have to put up with me for a long, long time."

I could almost feel the smile spreading across his face. I was that close to him. I pulled back and realised there was a smile on my face too.

He opened his arms and welcomed me inside. I went.

"I love you Kate," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you too."

**Okay... Chapter five done. I know it was short but this is just a filler chapter I needed Kate to come back to New York but not rely on Castle completely. Hope you liked it though. I'll update as soon as possible. Review please. :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys. I know I haven't updated this story in a long, long time but my internet was stuffed up and I find it difficult to type long things on my iPad... Sorry. I hope this answers a lot of the reviews I got in the previous chapter. **

**Disclaimer- I wouldn't be writing Caskett fan fiction if i owned Castle now would I? Nope, didn't think so...**

**Enjoy**

"Castle it's only for a couple of days. I'll be back before you know it." I ran my hand through my hair exasperated. "I need to get my things."

Castle didn't want me to go back so soon but I had to. I need to pack up everything so I could come back home faster.

His face fell at the tone I was using and I immediately felt guilty.

"Castle... I'll come back," I sat next to him. "I don't want to leave you ever again."

He looked at me and took a hesitating breath. "Would you have come back if I wasn't shot?"

"Of course I would have." I said indignantly. "It would have just taken me longer to realise it."  
I took his hand in mine, "I bought the ticket a week ago, but you weren't answering my texts, not picking up the phone... I didn't know what to do." My voice broke off. The past month was horrible.

He gripped my hand and I looked up, "You would have come back?"

I nodded my head, "I was miserable their Rick. I always wanted to come home... to you."

The happiness in his eyes was overwhelming, I felt my face split into a smile.

"Three days?" He looked amazingly happy.

"Three days." I kissed his forehead,"Now let me go. I have a flight to catch."

He tugged me down for a kiss and I obliged. After a while I pulled away and left the room.

"Three days Castle, I'll be back." I said over my shoulder.

Lanie dropped me off at the airport with a few choice words about leaving her and after asking if she would pick me up in three days I went to the terminal.

The flight back was truly horrific. There was a screaming baby on my right and a snoring man on my left. By the time I got off my ears were ringing.  
I picked up my luggage and went towards the car park. Tossing my things inside I turned on the ignition and started driving to my apartment.

I got inside and immediately collapsed on the couch. I picked up my phone and called Castle.

He picked up on the first ring, "Hey Detective, miss me already?"

I laughed into the phone, "don't make me laugh Castle. Why on earth would I miss you?" He knew I was sarcastic. I waited for his witty comeback.

"Well Beckett, I don't..."

He was cut off by the door bell going off.

"Castle hold on a sec, someones at the door." I stood up and made my way there.

"I'll wait for as long as you want me to Kate." Ricks voice floated through my phone making me smile.

I opened the door and to my utmost surprise I saw Agent Stack waiting outside.

"Agent Stack! Hello..." I was caught off guard by his appearing on my doorstep.

"Agent.. umm I mean Beckett, good to see you." He seem oddly out of place here. "Could I please talk to you?"

"Sure, come on in, just give me a second." Inviting him inside I whispered a hurried good bye to Castle and joined Agent Stack on the couch.

Sitting opposite him I asked him what he wanted to talk about.

He seemed hesitant, "How's the writer?" Somehow he didn't seem that sincere.

"Castle's great!" I waved my phone; he got the message.

We settled into an awkward silence.

"Why did you quit Beckett? Every cop I've ever known wants that job, except for you. Why?"

I was taken aback by his tone. He seemed almost wistful. "I was homesick.. you saw how distracted I got. I missed everyone back home."

"Some more than others." he said softly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I felt the anger welling up.

"Nothing." He paused, "Kate, what I'm trying to say here is... I would have like to get to know you better, if you get my drift." He ended in a saucy tone that never saw an end to my patience.

How dare he say that! He knew what Castle and I were. What we are! My temper was reaching its limit but I calmed myself down.

"Sir, I'm flattered but I have never seen you in that light and I never will. I think its best if you leave now."

I walked to the door and held it open. He stood up and walked out. Without waiting for some romantic 'I'm sorry' I slammed the door on his face and quickly locked it.

Fuming I flopped on the couch and picked up my phone.

"Beckett! Want to read me a bedtime story?" His childish tone made me laugh.

"Hmm a story... A lot happened in the past 10 minutes."

"Really!" He sounded extremely excited.

Slowly I recounted the conversation I had with Stack.

"How dare he say that?" He was outraged.

"Castle calm down!" I said alarmed. "He's gone now and I'll probably never see him again so don't worry!"

"Wow that happens in less than 24 hours... I can't wait for you to get back."

"I can't wait either Castle," I truly had found the man of my dreams.

"So about that story Detective..."

**Hope you liked it... Review please :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello my beautiful readers. I want to thank you guys so much for reading my work and reviewing it. I am so glad you like it. I am so amazingly sorry that I don't update regularly but I will try. **

**Disclaimer- I wouldn't be this scared about the season premier if I owned Castle.**

It's my phone ringing that woke me up this morning. Grumbling I reached out to grab my phone.

3 missed calls. 5 texts.

Sitting up in bed I worriedly ran through them.

Alexis. Alexis. Castle.

I rang Alexis my mind running through millions of scenarios. Not many of them that good.

She picked up immediately.

"Kate. You took a while to get a hold of." Her light voice calming me effectively. But not much.

"Oh… What did you want to get a hold of me for?" I inquired hoping my voice didn't let on the uneasiness I was feeling.

"Oh my god… there is nothing wrong with dad! Sorry I should have said that first!" I could imagine her getting flustered and annoyed at herself.

"It's okay Lex. What did you need me for? Background search on a boyfriend?" Smiling now I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I needed a coffee.

Her laugh carried through, "Not really. More like your home address."

"My address?" I was confused now. Why did she want my address?

"Uh… Don't get mad but dad made me come to DC to help you out…"

"He what?!"

"You're coming back in a day and dad thought you might need some help packing so I volunteered to help…" I sensed her hesitation and I immediately felt guilty for how I had sounded.

Shaking my head at Castle's craziness I told Alexis my address and promised to pick her up. She hung up and I called Castle.

"Castle… do you have something you want to tell me?"

"Yes!" He sounded like a child showing off his new toy. "Alexis is coming over to help you… I called you and then I inboxed you a million times okay well not a _million _but you didn't reply and then I told Alexis to call you and you didn't pick up but I sense you already talked to her..." He took a long drawn out breath.

"Yes?" I was a bit taken aback by all of that information coming out at once. "I see someone is feeling better."

"I am feeling better. I might be able to go home in a couple of days!" His excitement was clear.

"I can't wait Castle. I'd love to talk to you now but I have to go and pick up you daughter who seems to be a victim in your plan." I stared walking back to the bedroom.

"Fine then… I love you."

"I love you too Castle." Hanging up I dropped my phone on the bed and hurriedly got dressed.

**Next chapter will be uploaded as soon as I can. For now my stunning readers ****_please _****review... :D**


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